A Brief Intro

Craziness...that's the only word for it. Complete craziness. My once seemingly normal life, now a distant memory. I've been trying to wrap my brain around everything that's happened to my family in the last year, and searching for ways to find peace. I've debated about writing for a while now, and I've decided I am going to give it a try. So...here goes.

In December of 2011, my husband Aaron and I were blessed with our fourth child, a son, Max Kolbe. We were so thrilled. We already had big brother, Morgan and big sisters, Maryn and Mabry. Max, we were sure, completed our perfect family. I was blessed to be able to stay home with Max and Mabry while Morgan and Maryn went to school. Our family enjoyed months of bliss.

(Maryn, Mabry, Morgan and Max - December 2011)

Then came a day I will never forget. May 18th....a Friday. Aaron and I took the boys with us to visit a college buddy of Aaron's five hours away from home. We arrived there with no problems. Everybody was healthy and happy. Or...so we thought. Max unexpectedly died in the children's hospital that night. He literally went from happy and smiling to unresponsive. He was one day short of being five months old.

Within a couple of weeks, we were very surprised to find out we were expecting again. Oh...you can't imagine the emotions I was feeling. We were happy to find out we were having another boy, a gift from God, no doubt. We named this baby Madden James. The entire family was thrilled and the kids couldn't wait to hold their new baby brother. After 8 months of an uncomplicated pregnancy, my placenta abrupted at 34 weeks 2 days pregnant. After an emergency c-section, we ended up losing Madden. We came home with no baby...again. Madden was born and died on January 12, 2013.

(Five months pregnant with Madden)

Within 8 months, we have lost two children. Two sons. How do we deal with this? I really don't know. I used to have a horrible fear of losing a child. I know everybody fears this, but I feel like I was a little more obsessed about it than most. I always thought that I would absolutely die if anything happened to any of my children. I've kind of amazed myself with my ability to stay sane. I know that I couldn't do this without my strong faith. So, this is what I plan to write about.

I will tell you all the nitty, gritty details of my life. I will tell you everything that happened on May 18th. You will know how I dealt with my many emotions. You will learn exactly what happened on January 12th. Eventually, you'll know exactly how I feel in present day. But for right now, I am going to write in chronological order so that you know my exact journey. You will learn about my life, my faith and my reason for hope. So stay tuned....

Robyn