He has risen...

Easter has already come and gone.  And it really wasn't easy for me to stay strong through the Easter holiday.  It was our first attempt at going to a family gathering since we lost Max.  The kids enjoyed it.  The company was pleasant.  But I was just so very uncomfortable, and I am sure some of our family members were too.  I don't know if I'll ever feel normal again, but I know I need to take steps in the direction of normalcy.  My kids deserve that.  My husband deserves that...and so do I.

Max in his Easter shirt last year. 

On the bright side, I have to say that Easter had more meaning to me this year than ever before.  No matter what you think of Jesus, you have to admit that he changed the world.  Some people believe He was just an eccentric magician.  History tells us that He was crucified, but the thing that people debate was His resurrection.

I choose to believe that His crucifixion alone wouldn't have started the movement that has resulted in Christianity as we know it today.  He was crucified as an attempt to silence Him.  But the result was the exact opposite.  His apostles were scared during His prosecution, and all but John hid during His crucifixion.  They were scared.  They denied Him.  But after His death, something changed.  They grew bold.  They became fearless.  And all of them, except John, were martyred for their cause.  They died proclaiming that Jesus was the Son of God. 

What changed from Jesus' crucifixion to their own deaths?  They believed.  They saw Him...and they believed.  They knew He had risen.  The Holy Spirit came down on them and they began to work miracles in His name and Jesus' church was formed.  With His guidance, twelve men started the Christian religion.  Twelve men gathered billions of followers that would believe for generations.  He wasn't a magician...He was God.  In my eyes, that's really the only explanation. 

I am so thankful for his resurrection.  Because He conquered death...I have no reason to fear it.  I look at the cross and I realize that I am not alone.  While God allows my suffering, He also allowed the suffering of His own son.  Jesus asked the Father to "let this cup pass", but God allowed it.  He doesn't even exempt Himself from excruciating pain...why would He exempt me?  I don't know why some people are chosen to suffer...or maybe it's completely random.  I don't know...but I know I'm not alone.

In every Catholic Church in the world, you can find a crucifix.  You will see a replica of the crucified Jesus hanging on the cross.  And until recently I never even knew that other religions disapproved of the crucifixes in our churches.  Someone recently said..."Jesus isn't on the cross anymore.  He has risen.  Why leave him up there?"  Well, when we look to the crucifix, we see more than punishment, more than pain.  It's not the nails and the blood we focus on, but the love.  It is a perfect way to show love.  Jesus taught us how to love when he took the nails on the cross...completely denying himself, trusting in God and doing what was best for others.  I look at the cross, and I wonder, could I have done this?  And I think...yes.  I could take the pain, the punishment, the humiliation.  For my children,  I could do anything.  But could I offer one of my children?  Could I offer one of them to help save many others...without a doubt, no.  No, I couldn't choose to give any of my children back to God, even if it meant saving my others.

Today, I am thankful that God makes decisions with with his divine mind, instead of like a small minded human. 

"Father, he said, 'if you are willing, take this cup away from me.  Nevertheless, let your will be done, not mine." - Luke 22:42

"If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed;  you cannot drink grapes.  Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed.  I wonder what kind of finger and thumb God has been using to squeeze you, and you have been like a marble and escaped?" -Oswald Chambers