A little road trip sounded like a great idea. It was a family friendly party, but were we really going to take all four kids on a five hour trip? After tossing around a few ideas and talking to our parents, we decided we would leave the girls and take Morgan, our oldest boy. But we were still up in the air about Max. It would definitely be a lot of work to travel and enjoy the party with an infant. But, I really didn't want to leave him. What would be best for him? I had really mixed emotions. I left it up to Aaron.
Thursday evening he was on the phone with his parents, undecided on what to do when he dialed their number, but after talking for a while he told them that we would be taking Max. I was relieved and started packing for him right away.
When Aaron got off the phone, I asked him why he made his decision. He said, in the middle of his sentence, he looked at Max…Max smiled real big at him, and he knew we had to take him with us. I remember that particular smile. I was holding him on the kitchen counter while we both watched Aaron talk on the phone. He thought his Daddy was the funniest guy ever, and he was nothing but smiles when Aaron got home from work.
That was a Thursday night. That was the last night that my world made sense. The very next evening would be complete chaos. I try not to think of the bad stuff of that day. Instead I focus on the happy moments…the normal moments.
We got up that Friday morning, like any other morning. Aaron and Morgan stayed behind to get dressed and packed as I took Maryn to school. Instead of taking Max and Mabry along for the twenty minute ride, I dropped them off with my mother-in-law. She lives a quarter mile down the road from us and she was able to feed them breakfast while I took care of all the last minute details.
I remember very clearly that Max was wearing his train pajamas. Those pajamas became my security blanket. I held them, cried with them and smelt them for weeks to come. When I picked Max up, Mabry gave him a big kiss, and we were on our way.
It took us about and an hour and a half before we made our first stop. We actually attended a funeral for the father of our parish priest. Max behaved fine in church. We went up to receive communion and Father blessed his little head.
We stopped and ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Max was so happy. He loved to eat. I can picture him sitting in the restaurant, looking up at me with carrots all over his face. This is one of my favorite memories. He had just gotten two teeth in the week before…I loved his little smile.
We made a couple more stops along the way, but eventually we arrived at our destination. The last ten minutes of our trip, Max got a little fussy. But who could blame him…it was quite a long journey. I was very thankful for how smoothly everything had gone up until this point. We arrived at our room, unloaded all our stuff…most of which was Max’s. His playpen, bouncy seat and multiple bags took up the majority of our space.
He was so glad to be out of his car seat. The first thing I did was strip his clothes off and let him sprawl out on the bed. He was thrilled! His arms and legs were moving like crazy. He was kicking…punching…and babbling away. Eventually, I put him in his bouncy seat; where he happily played while we got dressed for dinner.
Max started to get a little fussy as we waited in the hotel parking lot for everyone to leave for the restaurant. I knew it was time for him to eat. I mixed him a bottle. I got out of the car. Gave it to him in his car seat and told Morgan to help him if he needed it. We then left for the restaurant.
He’s happy, in his car seat, with a bottle, wearing his navy blue dinosaur shirt and plaid shorts. That’s where it stops. That’s it. That’s my last memory of Max that doesn’t rip my heart out. That’s the last image I have of my son that doesn’t cause my chest to hurt.
Today, I am trying to appreciate the present. Because I know in an instant, everything can change.
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:13-15
"Consider the shortness of time, the length of eternity, and reflect on how everything down here below comes to an end and passes by. Of what use is it to lean upon that which cannot give support?" -St. Gerard Majella
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